Friday, September 14, 2012

Love Languages

lately i've caught myself noticing and trying to notice how different people in my life seem to express their affection towards others. i don't necessarily mean the mushy smoochy romantic love, but friendship, respect, and admiration included. even a general "i like you." this is mostly due to one of my favorite books called the five love languages, by gary chapman, which explains in detail how there are five main ways that we as people like to give and receive love and affection. 

the five "love languages" are 1) words of affirmation 2) quality time 3) gift giving 4) acts of service and 5) physical touch. 

the book explains that every person has their primary love language. this means that they feel most loved when someone displays one of these 5 languages towards them. think for a second how you can apply this in your daily relationships with your significant other, friends, neighbors, customers, etc. 

is your special lady's primary love language receiving gifts? bring her a key chain or postcard from that souvenir stand in the truck stop where you filled up. that tiny gesture might make her day; but, if you take out the garbage for her in the morning as an act of service, your gesture may go unnoticed on her gift giving love radar. here you were doing something nice, just to end up feeling frustrated. 

sometimes we express love only in OUR primary love language; and fail to speak in theirs. this can lead to misunderstandings or conflict because people are not necessarily "hearing" the love that you're trying to give. 

heres another example. say your mom's main love language is quality time. this means that nothing makes her quite as happy as when you two spend time together doing anything. cooking, walking, playing board games, or sitting next to each other in silence watching a movie. your physical proximity is her deal. she "hears" that as your declaration of love for her. however, if you're unaware of this and you send her a card and flowers on her birthday thinking that it's a great gesture, in all reality she probably will appreciate it, but you showing up at her front door would've made her really feel the love. she would've heard your physical presence loud and clear. 

so what's your primary love language? do you make those who are close to you aware of it? do you try to learn what they respond to most? this is many times a very helpful exercise as it can strengthen the methods of communication between two people, ensuring that the love being given, is also received. 

Lexi from